Don't know what to do...

We went to the cemetery yesterday. I don't know what to do at the cemetery. We get there, get out next to Aaron's marker and just stand there. It's like "Yep, it's still there. Yep, everything is still spelled right." I feel odd talking to him, because he isn't there. He never was. My son is in heaven. I think of, and remember him often.

Every time I see a butterfly, I think of him. It's interesting to note that we saw a butterfly at every place we went this summer. He was there with us everywhere we went. Every time I see a baby, especially one that's about the age he would have been, I think of him. Aaron would have been almost 4 months old. I can't believe it's been that long.

Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. I can remember every detail of that morning. Other times it feels like it happened in some alternate universe. I don't forget that it happened, but it doesn't feel like it happened to me.

In the past few days, a couple of people that we are not in any way close to (people we knew in college) have told us how much they were thinking of us last spring. It's surprising to me that they even remember to say anything. Aaron's death seems to have affected more people than we even realize. Through the books, he will continue to affect people for the better.

Hug your loved ones. You never know when they might leave you.

Ramblings

I've been on vacation for the last few weeks. First we went and visited my sister-in-law's family, and now we're in Ohio with my extended family. This weekend we celebrated my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary, and then my other grandmother's 90th birthday. I feel so blessed that we were able to come up here for those two events. Before April 9th, we weren't going to be traveling anywhere this summer. We've now traveled lots (we normally do) and still have another trip to go.

Being here with my extended family has been great. My parents are here, too, so I've seen almost every member of my side of the family in the last few days. We have a family cross stitch hanging at my grandparent's house. It's got everyone's names in a scrabble/cross stitch pattern. Before we got here, my mom added Aaron and Adalyn (my cousin's new baby). While we never really knew him on earth, he still had an identity. God formed him in his image. God knew the number of hairs on his head. He was still my son.

I've been trying to figure out what to put on my "About Me" stuff for the beginning of the school year. I don't want to say that I have just one son, because I don't. I don't want to erase Aaron from our family profile. I don't want to say that I have 2 sons and that one is deceased, because that opens up a Pandora's box with students/parents. I asked a teacher-friend of mine who has also lost a child what she says. She lost a daughter and has a young son. Instead of telling how many children she has, she just says that she enjoys spending time with her husband and son. Maybe I'll come up with something similar.