My son starts kindergarten tomorrow. I've had true anxiety about it for weeks. Every time I think about it, my stomach ties itself in knots. I'm not a crier, at all, but I've choked up and cried more times in the last week than normal. You see, it's not just because my son had his last week at daycare, or that he went to meet the teacher, or even that he will start kindergarten in the morning. It's because my BABY had his last week at daycare. My BABY had meet the teacher. My BABY will start kindergarten in the morning. It wasn't supposed to be that way. My big boy was supposed to be starting kindergarten, and my baby was supposed to be going to the sitter's.
It feels wrong, but there are days that I don't think about Aaron. I know it happened, but it doesn't feel like it happened to me. As milestones happen though, like starting kindergarten, it all comes back. The unfairness of last April rears its ugly head.
I know, without a doubt, that my son will be loved. I know, without a doubt, that he will be educated. I also know, that after tomorrow, it will be easy.
For now, though, tomorrow is looming. I'm not sure if it's a positive or a negative that he's at my school. I'll walk him down to his classroom, and then have to put on my smile and greet my new class of 4th graders. I don't get very long to cry. Just like in April, life is going to move on.
So remember, as you see people upset about their child starting kindergarten, or just starting a new year, and they seem a little too emotional, that there may be more to the story than you know.
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