It's been a while

As we approach the anniversary of Aaron's death, I thought I'd give an update on how life's been for the last several months.

Last fall: After much internal debate, I decided that though I wanted another child, I had absolutely no desire to be pregnant again. I struggled with giving in to the fear and quitting. I began working to convince my husband. I became almost desperate to rid my house of everything baby so that I could start moving on. (The nursery was still exactly as we'd left it.)

Around Thanksgiving, my husband finally got on board. I sold all of my maternity clothes. Over Christmas, we moved all of the nursery furniture to my in-law's house for storage. We moved our office furniture from the front room downstairs up to the room that had been the nursery. We'd even started putting out feelers and doing some exploratory research into the adoption process.

And then everything changed.

On January 6th, I realized that I was running just a tad late. That evening, I sent Marty out to buy pregnancy tests. Even though you get best results first thing in the morning, I took one anyway. The positive results absolutely terrified me. I didn't know whether to cry in fear or laugh at God's funny sense of humor.

Fast forward a few months. Tomorrow, I'll be 17 weeks pregnant. I'm still terrified. I know that God will be with us through whatever may happen, I just don't want to do it all again.

Our 5-year-old said it best. When we told him that we were having another baby, his response was "I hope it's a real baby this time. I hope that the plug (umbilical cord) is alright." All we could say was "We do too."

Please continue to pray for us as we continue through this journey. September seems like years away, but we just keep taking each day, one at a time.