Why? Well, first I need to give you some background information. A couple of weeks before we lost Aaron, we adopted a puppy. Crazy, I know, but we did it anyway. We'd been watching for just the right dog to come along, and when it did, we'd adopt it. Abby was that dog. She was about 6 months when we got her, part Jack Russel, Rat Terrier and Beagle. She's crazy. But we loved her immediately, and she loved me. (She loved Marty too, she just liked me more.) The day we lost Aaron, Abby was scheduled to go to the vet to be fixed, have a hernia repaired and possibly have surgery on her leg. My wonderful in-laws took care of her for a few days after her surgery, while we were still in the hospital.
When I came home, Abby came home. I came home empty-handed, without the baby I was supposed to have. (On a side note, it was VERY difficult to get in the car and pull away from the hospital. It was VERY real at that time.) Abby was my baby. All of the days I sat at home by myself, I had Abby to "take care of". And she took care of me. She kept me occupied. She kept me from sleeping all day. She distracted me.
Last week, before we left for our vacation, we took Abby to a Pet Resort. She was going to be boarded there while we were gone, AND attend a doggie boot camp. She desperately needed training, and our traveling during the next few weeks was the perfect time. She'll be there for 6 weeks (now, 5 weeks).
After we left Galveston, we went to my parents' house in Houston for a few days. We then left Noah there for Vacation Bible School at my parents' church. Marty and I spent Monday and Tuesday working around the house without our helpers. We were busy enough that we didn't have time to think about how much we missed our Abby and Noah.
But today, Marty went to work, and I stayed home. I was home alone, without ANYONE to take care of. While that may seem like a dream to some, it left me lost. I had to work very hard not to cave in on myself. I tried not to think about Abby, and I tried even harder not to think about Aaron. And I survived.
I know that Abby was put at that adoption event at Tractor Supply, and Marty happened to notice her as he drove past on the way to Home Depot, for a reason. God knew that I was going to need that puppy. He knew I was going to need someone to care for, and he provided. I survived today because I'm getting better. I'm moving on. God has given me the strength to keep going.
(On a side note, yes, we still have our 10-year-old cat Spaz. He requires nothing, so I don't think about having to "take care" of him.)
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